I’m a 19 year old girl and lately I’ve been feeling really, really depressed.

Growing up, I was constantly getting physically abused by my alcoholic, bipolar father. My mother never stuck up for me, she would sometimes get violent with me too and was always screaming and just a very mean, angry person. By the time I was in high school, I was absolutely miserable. I thought about killing myself a lot.

Then my senior year I started dating my boyfriend, Joe. As soon as we graduated high school, he wanted me to get out of that house and we got our own apartment together in Chicago (where I always wanted to live). I started college, I got a job that I loved, and finally felt happy. But I really missed my grandma, who lived 2 hours away all by herself. I could tell she was really lonely and that she was having a harder time getting around and taking care of herself. After she had a bad fall, I decided that I needed to go live with her.

I’ve been living with her for a few months now, and I’m back to feeling really depressed. I transferred to the community college here, and I hate it. Normally, a straight A student, I ended up failing all my classes this semester because I couldn’t even motivate myself to go to class. I don’t like the area (a really small town in the middle of nowhere). I haven’t made any new friends, and I’m not close to any of my old friends anymore.

I continue to see my boyfriend, but I can tell our relationship isn’t going to work like this. It’s too difficult to see him every week when we live 2 hours apart. It makes me even more depressed knowing I have to let him go, because I’d be losing my best friend and really only friend I have right now. It’s too late to sign up for summer classes, which is really my only way of possibly meeting new people. There’s no place to get a job around here.

I feel so lonely and bored everyday. I’m miserable. I feel terrible because I love taking care of my grandma, but she can tell how unhappy i am and I know she feels guilty. Is there any thing I can do to feel better’ There’s no way I can leave my grandma, she doesn’t have anyone else who can take care of her and I refuse to let her go to a home.